mutter mutter mutter

Well today pretty much sucked. I had to get stitches yesterday on my side (injury from MT that wasn't being nice and playing the game called healing properly) and naturally had to have an insane amount of numbing stuff that made me sick most of yesterday and a good chunk of today. Then I started new allergy meds today and totally am not adjusting well. AND THEN I WENT TO SPOKANE! Now seriously, the rest of the stuff would be just annoying little nonsense but then you add in the potholes and the traffic and the people who don't freaking signal and cut into your lane randomly... and before you know it I'm not only muttering but coming up with creative insults and new combinations of swear words.

I don't get it people - really I don't. My dad is from Spokane, a lot of my family is in Spokane, I have several friends up there and some of the neatest shops/stores are there. Yet I can't stand the place and always feel "off" for at least a day after I get back. I know that they say you can take the girl out of the country but not the country out of the girl but this girl doesn't want to leave the country so you can just forget it right now! In my defense Mom is worse I think - growing up on a farm like 8-10 miles outside of a tiny town and now living in another tiny town and feeling crowded because she can see the neighbors... BUT SPOKANE IS WORSE... I promise.

No there are really truly elements that I like about Spokane, but today was crap anyway. This is how bad it was - I didn't even want to go to Barnes and Noble even though that was the original plan! That's way bad for me, a book freak. I was so glad to get into my tiny ass town, or even near it, or even out of the heavy traffic. The weirdest thing is that there are other cities that I LOVE to be in so why not this place? Who knows.

But we have pink golf balls now - one of the errands today - and its not like you can just walk into say Crossett's and find those. Guess it was kind of worth it...

So I mutter.

clock's ticking

well everyone here is starting to get kind of ancy about the golf tourney on the 26th... about two weeks away and still so much to do. we'll get it done but once in awhile it gets a bit... overwhelming to say the least. mom's the real powerhouse behind the entire thing as i've said since the beginning (of course she's pretty much always been the powerhouse for like everything) so if dad and i can mostly do what she asks and then find ways we can help w/o her having to tell us we just might be ok. the lady is totally going to earn a drink that day so if you come out remember that... plus she gets totally hilarious with only a little so its like bam cheap date (and entertainment for me... sorry mom)

was totally stoked as yesterday found out that records i need for thesis do exist and are accessible! now to get the irb thing wrapped up so i can start interviewing and pulling all of these sources in... craft a chapter by october OI! i can do this... right?

home again

Well I've been home for just over a week and today I finally felt like I was back on my A game mentally. I loved Montana and had not realized I was quite as fatigued as it turns out I was... between resting and catching up with family and friends I pretty much did nothing of much merit last week but moon over MT, but how much credit I should be given based on that is up for debate (who needs a whiner?).

I haven't even shown the family any of my pictures yet and lord knows I took gobs. Its really spectacular that so many of the group photos have been posted through the website (there's a special program/site that has the photos and a link via osvingen.org) but I haven't even taken much time to look through those either. You know, for a hobby photographer/lover of the medium I sure am letting the ball drop on this one.

I've done a bit more research on the living history programs that the MHC provides during an average summer and still am hoping to get back to the area a few times this summer, but between the golf tournament, weddings galore, thesis work, internship hunting/work, and hopefully an attendance @ the Agaidika Days in Salmon it is going to be a tight fit. What's even a bit more ... amazing or goofy ... is that I'm totally ok with being a bit overwhelmed with all the things I need to do and I'm perfectly content with having to work harder so I can get back there again.

I've been asked a few times about my favorite part of field school/the area and I'm not sure I'm able to give a totally, 100% thorough and honest answer. Look at some of the work we did - that's amazing to me. Having not been in the discipline for three years but getting to work on reenactment proposals, walk through some of those old buildings, TALK WITH THE MHC STAFF AND NOT ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF THEM, and be allowed to traverse some of the most beautiful country surrounding Virginia City - that's just fantastic to me. But I'd be remiss if I only talked in terms of work because the entire experience was so much more.

Now I'm sure a lot of people will disagree - undoubtedly there's people who think it wasn't just great and in some regards they're right; maybe they think that work was the only thing important about our entire time there and again in some regards they're right. But I managed to learn a lot about my field, about this place and time, these people, and most importantly about me. It may be more accurate to say that I had an opportunity to remember something about me that I had forgotten... I love to be involved in a "bigger picture" project with several others even tho' I don't really play well with said others.

When I was a sophomore, I believe, I paged at the state capitol and it was a great experience. One day while walking up the marble steps after having greeted the guards by name (always remember to bring guards cookies - preferably a wide variety - because they will adore you ever after) it suddenly dawned on me: I was one piece of the whole, one cog on the machine. Right, wrong, or otherwise the "machine" otherwise known as our state government is a pretty big, sorta kinda impressive thing and to be involved... well it was just a really heady, yet, weighty moment in my life.

So here I am, in the middle of Montana, with people I barely know and others I don't know at all, and I'm again part of a bigger thing. I think this really was brought home to me when the Agaidika took time to travel to Virginia City and be pestered by tons of questions before hearing our SNHP proposal... it matters.

I have always wanted to do something that matters and, I'll admit, have been worried that my work as a historian would never really matter. After all, I joke that all historians do is study old dead white men... well no more of that but still... So to have those people take that time, to get to be a part of this much larger story and history, it was reaffirming that what I am doing is important and that it does matter.

So I guess the best part of field school for me was refocusing my head and my heart and reminding myself that my work can and ought to matter.

After all, everyone has a story - we're just here to tell it.